It is made of some of the strongest muscles in the body, yet it can feel as delicate as fine crystal that shatters easily. Once, my heart felt like it was trying to run 10,000 watts of energy through a 100 watt outlet. It blew the whole thing up like humpty-dumpty and all of the king's horses and all of the king's men could not put it all back together again.
But then there are these other moments, more mystical. Like when, almost out of nowhere, the heart fills with some unknown force and all of the world is alive with color and vibrancy. The sense of separateness dissolves for a moment and you know, at a visceral level, that this is not your energy alone. It is the same force that moves through all hearts. And you see everyone as this light, a force that is the connection between each one of you. And all of a sudden, you understand mystical aspects of Christ. It wasn't an individual person. It is the singular fire burning inside the hearts of all humans. It just happened that one man, named Yeshua, lived from that place enough moments in his life for people to write about it.
When you get a tiny glimpse of that flame in your own heart, you want to hang on to it before slips away into the catalogue of intellectualized thought forms. But alas, more than often the thoughts take over.
Why the difference between the two? I'm no expert, but I do know my heart fluctuates back and forth between the two. We cover our hearts with roses when we sense it will touched by another's beauty. In this state, we call the "other" our beloved. Yet, when hurt, misunderstood or dismissed, it feels encased by thorns. In that state, we call the "other" enemy, though often it is the very same person who was once our beloved.
Both, friend and enemy make us catch up breath. Breath, in Hebrew is Rauch, which can also be translated as wind, force or Spirit. So when we "catch" our breath because of a beloved or an enemy, it is a direct sign we have disconnected from spirit, from life force, from the one.
Perhaps that is the magical equation of the heart. First there is one - me, separate, space and alone. Then there is two - another, sometimes I want to enmesh with him, bringing us back to one and at other times, I want to keep him separate, in a constant state of two. Yet neither will create the world of expansion. If I don't allow the duo to move forward, the contraction kills and suffocates.
So instead of pinging back and forth between enmeshment and separateness, I need to somehow expand into something I do not know. Me as separate, him as separate, yet together as part of a sacred third. What is the secret of allowing this?
Together we evolve, two flames, the same source, not become one, but becoming three. A third that could never be found without the other. Yeshua & Mary Magdalene. Isis & Osiris. Radha & Govinda. Me & my beloved. Trios who have the potential to evolved the world.